...right
After a hell of a weekend, or rather prior to that infernal weekend, we broke up. Beautiful that all my doubts and suspicions were confirmed. Oh and I'm sorry, HE broke up with ME. He needed a 'break'. Right. Or more like 'freedom' to do as he pleased.
I don't like to cry for things that shouldn't be worth crying over. So, even if I've felt the urge to do so, more often than not overtaken by that suffocation that comes before you're having a meltdown... I won't. I don't want to. So I'll resist it. It's the best thing to do at this point. And I'll manage to silence the endless "why?", "what if...?", "how come?", "revenge?" once and for all. Or at least for a little while.
You could say I am in denial or that it hasn't hit me... or whatever blubbering nonsense comes to your mind. I don't have the time to deal with any of these emotions, except for the anger and the humiliation and the growing feeling of utter hate and abhorrence.
It would be easier, steadier and all around bearable if I had my big brother with me right now. If he wasn't mad at me. He knows well enough how much I love him, and how easy he hurts me, and how I wish I could take it back how I talk to him. However... if we were to start pointing fingers, I deserve it.
I deserve each and every single thing that has happened to me. So I am not crying over it. You take it at all in, you swallow it. Because otherwise, you become a victim of circumstance. And I am anything but a victim.
On other notes, demons are ugly.
I don't like to cry for things that shouldn't be worth crying over. So, even if I've felt the urge to do so, more often than not overtaken by that suffocation that comes before you're having a meltdown... I won't. I don't want to. So I'll resist it. It's the best thing to do at this point. And I'll manage to silence the endless "why?", "what if...?", "how come?", "revenge?" once and for all. Or at least for a little while.
You could say I am in denial or that it hasn't hit me... or whatever blubbering nonsense comes to your mind. I don't have the time to deal with any of these emotions, except for the anger and the humiliation and the growing feeling of utter hate and abhorrence.
It would be easier, steadier and all around bearable if I had my big brother with me right now. If he wasn't mad at me. He knows well enough how much I love him, and how easy he hurts me, and how I wish I could take it back how I talk to him. However... if we were to start pointing fingers, I deserve it.
I deserve each and every single thing that has happened to me. So I am not crying over it. You take it at all in, you swallow it. Because otherwise, you become a victim of circumstance. And I am anything but a victim.
On other notes, demons are ugly.
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