Distinctively Unnoticed

He seemed like a man that wasn't going to stay for long in the same place. It seemed to go against his nature. The green flame in his eyes stirring on occasion, it's secrets so palpable it made you want to look away for intruding, for wanting to find out. Though he would grant you the odd feeling of his company just this once. You seemed particularly intriguing to him. Or perhaps that's just his fancy word for amusing. He settled in his chair, his eyes never leaving you, his lips curled into a still smile. Then he laughed. A good natured laugh. Or a laugh whose only purpose was to distract you. It did. You blush at the unexpected; he smirks at your reaction. He knew you would blush.

That is Nathan, a wisp of his essence. Small enough to make you curious, addicting enough to make you want more.

I won't use such clichés as "I fell under his spell" but whatever happened to me, it was closely related to that phrase. Even the mere fact that I dared to write about him seems so forbidden, so dangerous, so... thrilling. But it would be idiotic on my part not to, considering he is such an important part in my life nowadays. Believe me. I didn't expect him to be so.

Most people don't expect to fall in love when they do. Most of us had already given up on that fake notion of mutual appreciation when Cupid, the little dwarf with wings, decided to play a nasty trick and muddle our minds. Make us act in ways we never thought we would, just to impress and grab attention.

As it is I am quite narcissistic and I am not offended when people use that term as an insult. Please. I love myself enough to create a journal exclusively about my life, which is utterly self-centered. It's refreshing to see how people think of me. It reminds me of what I am built, of the putrid materials that make me who I am. That backstabbing bitch, boyfriend-stealing whore. I am everything everyone aspired me to be. I guess there must be some pride in those feelings. And there are.

I won't lie. My head swims with glee when people stare at me with hate, envy and an animalistic desire to murder me. I can't explain it.

Even if I am anxious at the moment, to the point that I veered off my own focus, I will regain it as of right now.

What scares me the most about all of this is the fact that I fell in love seemingly fast with a man I cannot say I know. It frightens me. Most people are easy to read. Yes. Even those who pretend to be difficult. They are, quite frankly, transparent. Nathan... is anything but.

He makes my heart beat faster, so fast it might suffocate me. He makes me forget my thought process. He makes me weak with anticipation (prior to him I thought I was a lively young lady, now I know I am a blood-sucking whore who practically depends on sex like it's food). The days that go by in which I do not see him might as well be nondescript and erased from my calendar. They do not exist for me.

It's frightening... it's Nathan... why wouldn't it be?

Distinctively unnoticed, deceptively within.