Wedding
I have never felt so bad in all of my life. That was one of the worst weddings I've ever attended in history. Point period. I have been exposed to what 'love' is like for him and it has destroyed me. The look in his eyes, his intent attention to every detail as to make sure it would be perfect. It had a theme, for the love of all that is Prada! Chocolate. And he was all smiles. Everyone danced in a blur of fine wine and strawberries. Everyone intoxicated, everyone oblivious.
The lady that speaks, on the other hand, was going through one of the most horrifying experiences of her life. I was drunk. And Nathaniel had decided it was time to go our separate ways.
I panicked. Fear, pain, confusion and fury rose in my chest all at once. I was choking, barely able to breathe. The words he said, the not-so-subtle accusations... I have to close my eyes, breathe and not cry all over again. My eyes are too puffy.
"You don't love me do you?"
"Here I am paying $3000.00 dollar tickets almost on a weekly basis just to be with you and being supportive and understanding and breaking my back to be tolerant and understanding"
"It cost me a meeting at the Mandarin yesterday just so that I could arrive one day early and you were morose as usual"
"I sometimes wonder, if I crashed in a car, would you go so crazy like when Rink did? and he's family I know that... "
"I push 10,000 euros out of my savings account on travel expenses alone and it doesn't hurt me, and I'm not someone who's going to be holding back when it comes to gifts and surprises but it would be nice if I came back and you were half as excited to see me as you are to see a Chanel purse"
They cut right through me. Nathan, my Nathan was speaking to me that way. My Nathan was leaving me.. All the things I had been dreading over my coffee breaks, as I took notes of Melinda's diatribe, all the words I feared were thrown in my face without much ceremony. The emotions so strong, I was confused whether I was dying or heartbroken. Both felt the same. Definite. Deadly. His voice was monotonous while he talked, except when he deliberately shouted at me to proved that I loved him. I crumbled. I should've shouted back at him, insulted him, hurt him and then leave. But I couldn't. The mere thought that he would leave and I would never see him again kept me rooted to that spot.
I am deliriously in love with a man that is probably using me and that does not say that he loves me. I am but a puppet in his hands, sans will and afraid of the truth.
The lady that speaks, on the other hand, was going through one of the most horrifying experiences of her life. I was drunk. And Nathaniel had decided it was time to go our separate ways.
I panicked. Fear, pain, confusion and fury rose in my chest all at once. I was choking, barely able to breathe. The words he said, the not-so-subtle accusations... I have to close my eyes, breathe and not cry all over again. My eyes are too puffy.
"You don't love me do you?"
"Here I am paying $3000.00 dollar tickets almost on a weekly basis just to be with you and being supportive and understanding and breaking my back to be tolerant and understanding"
"It cost me a meeting at the Mandarin yesterday just so that I could arrive one day early and you were morose as usual"
"I sometimes wonder, if I crashed in a car, would you go so crazy like when Rink did? and he's family I know that... "
"I push 10,000 euros out of my savings account on travel expenses alone and it doesn't hurt me, and I'm not someone who's going to be holding back when it comes to gifts and surprises but it would be nice if I came back and you were half as excited to see me as you are to see a Chanel purse"
They cut right through me. Nathan, my Nathan was speaking to me that way. My Nathan was leaving me.. All the things I had been dreading over my coffee breaks, as I took notes of Melinda's diatribe, all the words I feared were thrown in my face without much ceremony. The emotions so strong, I was confused whether I was dying or heartbroken. Both felt the same. Definite. Deadly. His voice was monotonous while he talked, except when he deliberately shouted at me to proved that I loved him. I crumbled. I should've shouted back at him, insulted him, hurt him and then leave. But I couldn't. The mere thought that he would leave and I would never see him again kept me rooted to that spot.
I am deliriously in love with a man that is probably using me and that does not say that he loves me. I am but a puppet in his hands, sans will and afraid of the truth.
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