Facing the Storm Pt. 2
"...I'm making my first demand" Nathan said, his stare was quite serious. "Clear things up with Eric tonight..." his frown stretched across his face. "Because I'm going to have a chat with him." he kissed my forehead quickly "I have to go to a meeting now, so see you tonight" then he left.
Otherwise, I don't think I would've ever gathered enough balls to do what I was going to do. It had never occurred to me, mostly because I hold no regards for anyone.
I went to Eric's office to sit down and have a little chat. A rather imposing office space didn't distract me from the purpose of my visit. He looked so powerful yet so lonely in that chair. I suppose my own incredulity over what I am doing swept me into being unaware of the fear that should've gripped me.
I confessed to him exactly what I felt, without much regard to my battered condition. I admitted the very truth of cores, how I desired Caterina's life and happiness all along. It wasn't as much that I wanted her existence, I wanted her life, her ability to shine through and have effortless perfection, have love without trying. The only and real reason I ever loved that man before me. The only reason I pursued him. I was naive. I was foolish. And impetuous with virtually no regards for anyone's feelings. Watching him waiting for her, day after day... I just needed my own happiness, so I stole it. I stole him.
My stream of consciousness didn't seem to affect him as I had thought. He seemed perplexed at first, then his expression began to change. Slowly it turned into an amused smirk, slightly perturbed as I spoke.
He looked at me and laughed, a good natured laugh I had hoped to interpret.
"Vero... Vero... Vero... truth is... I didn't really want to hurt you along the process. You were somebody that caught me off guard when I was on my lows. However, sweetheart, you have just freed me from the chains I tied around my own neck."
By this point I could feel my defenses inadvertently heighten. What on earth was he blabbering about?
"You see, the reason why I initially started to date you was out of revenge, revenge on Caterina's memory, revenge on the fact that she left me... but mostly because you were there when she hadn't been, and I needed someone. I won't deny that I care for you, because I do. You ARE, someone precious to me... however... as you might know at this point, you were a rebound, love."
I felt cold all over though not exactly surprised, for within some part of my being that I knew this already. But it didn't matter. I kept questioning my own endurance at this point. Though, surprisingly, I didn't feel exhausted or tired or used. I just... couldn't think. I was outside of myself.
"On the next occasions, when Caterina came to me... I felt a desire to hurt her back, denying my true feelings and my own selfish need of wanting her. I couldn't break YOU after you had served me, after you had willingly thrust yourself against the monster that I was but pretended not to be."
I could not believe Eric was saying these words. I could NOT believe it. Where was all this honesty before? What had inspired him to suddenly revive within his own soulless body? I swallowed. He looked as if he wasn't done speaking.
"Truth is Vero... that you learned to be with me... I dare not say that you love me... because I think you've known love through someone else, but that's a subject I'll address later. You cared for me, but all along... I thought about Caterina. I love Caterina. I was created to love her and be with her. Fact is, somewhere along the way I felt betrayed and hurt, and I tried to use everything against her. I wanted her to break, just like I had, but selfishly she never wondered what was going on with me. I HURT too. However, as the man, one must be strong, pretend nothing happens, nothing hurts. Veronique... and this I admit to you, because you are my friend, though I would understand if you never want to speak to me again, what I did through you, I'm doing now through financial strategies, binding her to me through debts and loans, and the world of businesses."
He looked momentarily to the side, as if gathering his thoughts then continued.
"All in all... I am a jerk, an asshole, a big stupid kid. Who's always wanted something, but has constantly found a reason to keep it at length. Veronique, you have sacrificed too much, you deserve your own happiness... You free me from my compromise to you, loving another, now I ask forgiveness for what you have had to endure."
Eric stood up from his desk, and knelt in front of me. I stepped back a bit, not expecting this. Then again, NOTHING of this conversation was expected.
"I'm so sorry, precious... I'm so sorry..." tears slipped down his face "But I love her... I choose her... I want to be with her... even if it kills me by the end."
I was so dumbfounded, shocked, I could only stare at Eric. I didn't say much after that. I remained very silent, weighing things that have no name in my mind. Torn between storming out or just crying or insulting him, instead I went towards him, didn't kneel but stroked his hair. I couldn't speak. I just cried, keeping with the theme of the week. We remained this way until he composed himself. Then I did what I do best, invited him to a drink so we could calm down.
...true that we ended consuming more dollars in alcohol than normal people should. (Two words: Blue Label) and yes, I didn't remember half of it the next morning (unless you call a hangover a memory) but at least we felt more comfortable near each other. We were too wasted to care about anything or anyone... anymore. That as always is very refreshing.
Otherwise, I don't think I would've ever gathered enough balls to do what I was going to do. It had never occurred to me, mostly because I hold no regards for anyone.
I went to Eric's office to sit down and have a little chat. A rather imposing office space didn't distract me from the purpose of my visit. He looked so powerful yet so lonely in that chair. I suppose my own incredulity over what I am doing swept me into being unaware of the fear that should've gripped me.
I confessed to him exactly what I felt, without much regard to my battered condition. I admitted the very truth of cores, how I desired Caterina's life and happiness all along. It wasn't as much that I wanted her existence, I wanted her life, her ability to shine through and have effortless perfection, have love without trying. The only and real reason I ever loved that man before me. The only reason I pursued him. I was naive. I was foolish. And impetuous with virtually no regards for anyone's feelings. Watching him waiting for her, day after day... I just needed my own happiness, so I stole it. I stole him.
My stream of consciousness didn't seem to affect him as I had thought. He seemed perplexed at first, then his expression began to change. Slowly it turned into an amused smirk, slightly perturbed as I spoke.
He looked at me and laughed, a good natured laugh I had hoped to interpret.
"Vero... Vero... Vero... truth is... I didn't really want to hurt you along the process. You were somebody that caught me off guard when I was on my lows. However, sweetheart, you have just freed me from the chains I tied around my own neck."
By this point I could feel my defenses inadvertently heighten. What on earth was he blabbering about?
"You see, the reason why I initially started to date you was out of revenge, revenge on Caterina's memory, revenge on the fact that she left me... but mostly because you were there when she hadn't been, and I needed someone. I won't deny that I care for you, because I do. You ARE, someone precious to me... however... as you might know at this point, you were a rebound, love."
I felt cold all over though not exactly surprised, for within some part of my being that I knew this already. But it didn't matter. I kept questioning my own endurance at this point. Though, surprisingly, I didn't feel exhausted or tired or used. I just... couldn't think. I was outside of myself.
"On the next occasions, when Caterina came to me... I felt a desire to hurt her back, denying my true feelings and my own selfish need of wanting her. I couldn't break YOU after you had served me, after you had willingly thrust yourself against the monster that I was but pretended not to be."
I could not believe Eric was saying these words. I could NOT believe it. Where was all this honesty before? What had inspired him to suddenly revive within his own soulless body? I swallowed. He looked as if he wasn't done speaking.
"Truth is Vero... that you learned to be with me... I dare not say that you love me... because I think you've known love through someone else, but that's a subject I'll address later. You cared for me, but all along... I thought about Caterina. I love Caterina. I was created to love her and be with her. Fact is, somewhere along the way I felt betrayed and hurt, and I tried to use everything against her. I wanted her to break, just like I had, but selfishly she never wondered what was going on with me. I HURT too. However, as the man, one must be strong, pretend nothing happens, nothing hurts. Veronique... and this I admit to you, because you are my friend, though I would understand if you never want to speak to me again, what I did through you, I'm doing now through financial strategies, binding her to me through debts and loans, and the world of businesses."
He looked momentarily to the side, as if gathering his thoughts then continued.
"All in all... I am a jerk, an asshole, a big stupid kid. Who's always wanted something, but has constantly found a reason to keep it at length. Veronique, you have sacrificed too much, you deserve your own happiness... You free me from my compromise to you, loving another, now I ask forgiveness for what you have had to endure."
Eric stood up from his desk, and knelt in front of me. I stepped back a bit, not expecting this. Then again, NOTHING of this conversation was expected.
"I'm so sorry, precious... I'm so sorry..." tears slipped down his face "But I love her... I choose her... I want to be with her... even if it kills me by the end."
I was so dumbfounded, shocked, I could only stare at Eric. I didn't say much after that. I remained very silent, weighing things that have no name in my mind. Torn between storming out or just crying or insulting him, instead I went towards him, didn't kneel but stroked his hair. I couldn't speak. I just cried, keeping with the theme of the week. We remained this way until he composed himself. Then I did what I do best, invited him to a drink so we could calm down.
...true that we ended consuming more dollars in alcohol than normal people should. (Two words: Blue Label) and yes, I didn't remember half of it the next morning (unless you call a hangover a memory) but at least we felt more comfortable near each other. We were too wasted to care about anything or anyone... anymore. That as always is very refreshing.
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